Deep Calling Unto Deep

Sometimes the new year does not get off to the greatest start. This January has been a month of disappointments to be honest. One right after the next. Little ones. Nothing earth shattering. New York plans canceled four times. No tickets available two times. The unexpecteds that keep demolishing little plans, adventures, and hopes over winter break. Waiting for those important conversations and they don’t happen. And then realizing there’s been a terrible misunderstanding. Work pressures and deadlines creep up and suddenly alter the dynamic and color of relationships. Etc. etc. Blah blah blah.

That’s life right? C’est la vie! Go with the flow right? Surrender everything to God. Yes. Trust Him. Yes. His ways are not our ways. Obviously. Oh and the best: You wanna make God laugh? Tell Him your plans for the day. Very funny, ha ha. Count your blessings! The ol’ attitude of gratitude. Yeah, yeah… I know… I know that God is sovereign, I know that God is always good, I know that He is faithful and trustworthy. I know that His plans are always better and I can trust Divine Providence. I know, I know. And I’m so grateful for that knowing and anchoring. But – and – in the past month, while knowing those truths, I still felt like a big fat baby, slumped over in silly sweetie tears. Crying and fussing in the natural disappointments, in the frustrated plans and expectations. Yeah, I know the danger of expectations. But! We have them, and when they get dashed, it’s not fun. Especially when God allows a series of them to line up like little coals in your stocking. Boy howdy, am I realizing what a wimp I am with disappointment! This muscle of virtue needs to be exercised apparently!

In the process, by God’s grace, I’m learning more and more deeply and assuredly that the Father doesn’t want me to repress my big fat baby emotions and put on pious stickers of trust and gratitude. Real, authentic trust and gratitude comes through my total honesty with Jesus, Bridegroom of my heart. He knows me and loves me and aches to hear my raw heart. As He told me once: “Your homage to Me is your honesty.” It’s never too much for Him. He embraces me completely with the part of me that feels like a big cry baby. And He embraces the core of me that trusts and surrenders and offers gratitude in the midst, just as I am. It’s the both-and with God.

To be my baby self with Him IS to trust Him as Abba and gentle Lover, who cares for me tenderly and compassionately. He wants to tend to me right here, and I can let Him by just opening my heart, inviting Him in, and spilling it out just as it is. What sweet release, what true surrender, what intimacy. No fear. All love.

This past Thursday was a beautiful day spent in Philadelphia with a loved one. We enjoyed a wonderful time together, going to a movie, the art museum, dinner out, topped off with a concert. The day was delightful. And yet, in the quiet of my heart I felt unexpressed, pent up, unseen, unheard, unknown, like a garden under the thick snow. No one there to shovel me out to the light. I felt like the deep sea layers were not even noticed or welcomed, no space for their rising. I felt quiet interior disappointment, emptiness, sadness, loneliness.

Then the concert. Gregory Alan Isakov, an indie-folk musician. As the lights went dim, his pristine voice and deep, melancholic, hope-filled lyrics soared through the hushed space and pierced through, entering softly, melting the snow, meeting every delicate flower bud of my hidden garden heart with impeccable gentleness. Deep calling unto deep. His “Stable Song” meeting the aching spot.

“And that tall grass grows high and brown . . .
And I ran back to that hollow again . . .
And I ached for my heart like some tin man
When it came, oh, it beat and it boiled and it rang

Oh, it’s ringing . . .

Turn these diamonds straight back into coal
Turn these diamonds straight back into coal”

I closed my eyes and the tears came rolling down my cheeks as I felt my insides breathing the sudden relief of being seen. Found by music. Found by another artist heart, another deep heart calling out to mine. Thank you, Gregory Alan Isakov. I am found by my Bridegroom in the inner chamber where He dwells silently and with love. With love. With love. With desire for the real me, the underbelly me, the hidden me, the baby me. In the pure silk lofts of Gregory’s melody, Christ sang His song of love to me and met me, heart to heart, mended me, in my interior castle (I call it my interior cottage. Much more of a cottage gal)… in the heart of my heart, where He alone knows me and we can be in sweet intimacy. Unspoken and complete knowing. Still, silent, and complete loving. Jesus, You are my stable song. You make my heart ring in deep sea intimacy. Oh, it’s ringing…

Jesus Bridegroom of my soul,
Come enter the garden of my heart,

Just as it is.
Just as I am.
With all my raw feelings
With all my parts

You love me tenderly and unconditionally.
Thank You for meeting me in my ache,
In the hidden parts of my soul.

You alone can reach me here and know me here totally and completely.

Sing Your love song to me.
Heart to heart
Sweet deep sea intimacy.
Deep calling unto deep.
Amen.

Marian West, Copyright 2026