Love Letter #1 to a Scrupulous Soul

Dearly Beloved,
You are not alone. I write this letter as a first in a series, with much tenderness and compassion in my heart from one scrupulous soul to another. The struggle is real. I am with you. Let us walk together in the Lord’s light. After talking with several young women who are burdened by scrupulosity and OCD thinking, each feeling isolated and hidden in the invisible suffering and interior turmoil of this cross, I desire to accompany you out of the enemy’s lie that you are the only one who struggles in this way or that it is an obstacle to your holiness. You are seen and known and loved into the very depths. The Lord comes bounding over the hills to meet our misery with His Mercy. This is the best news!

I write this as a sharing of what has been offered to me in my poverty and weakness — a hand that has reached down to seize me out of the mighty waters and bring me new hope and trust day after day, moment to moment in the journey of battling with an anxiety disorder that became tangled up in my relationship with God and self. I share with much empathy, the guidance that has helped me and continues to bring me hope and trust.

It is not easy to be a highly sensitive person and to carry the weight of a highly sensitive conscience that looks back…and back again…and back again. And to carry a mind that dissects a thing over and over until it is shredded to bits and pieces. With OCD thinking, the thought world seeks certainty in front of uncertainty or mystery, looping in an endless quality to find firm landing until all natural ease and joy have been sucked right out. Sorry to sound dramatic, but if you know, you know.

Scrupulosity and OCD thinking hooks onto what we value the most and sinks its fangs into our vulnerable brains like little fish hook strongholds. It can be arresting, paralyzing; it is fear driven and panic inducing. It feels like being on an internal hamster wheel that doesn’t know how to stop, goes faster and faster, gets louder and louder. It is an addictive cycle in the mind and it becomes a trap, an invisible prison.

Enter St. Therese the Little Flower! There is hope! We are in good company! This saint is a dear friends who understands the journey. She herself was a highly sensitive person whose scrupulous conscience oppressed her at times, leaving her riddled with depression, anxiety, and attack. Through a miraculous encounter on Christmas morning with the Blessed Mother smiling upon her, and ongoing growth through grace, surrender, and spiritual direction, this mental and spiritual suffering, became not an obstacle to her sanctification but a means of it. In his book, The Context of Holiness: Psychological and Spiritual Reflections on the Life of St. Therese of Lisieux, Fr. Marc Foley elucidates that it is precisely through the crosses of our mental and emotional weaknesses that we are made holy, as we, like Therese, offer them to God, invite the Lord into them, and allow Him to love us in the depths of our interior wrestling. It is His love and mercy that meets us in the frozen fear and petrified paralysis of this disorder, and makes it a place of sweet intimacy and deep compassion. He transforms it into oases of His breath, life, goodness, and even forward movement in trust, peace, and joy. What was once isolation can become abiding communion. His work, our resting in Him.

How does this happen? First of all, I highly recommend a good spiritual director who is familiar with this particular cross and knows how to speak into it. And also, the ongoing daily walk with the Lord, as we unlearn our false notion of who Jesus and the Father are, and learn who God truly is. His Heart, His character. It is the work of grace and our cooperation, to allow the untangling of false voices from the true voice of the Good Shepherd, to separate out our distorted and overburdened conscience from our true and pure conscience. This is a delicate work. But it is possible and it is liberating.

It is a wonderful start to begin with stepping back. In the early days, we fuse God with our thinking and conscience: whatever my highly sensitive mind and conscience think, must be God, so I must do it. What if that is not true? What if I can step back from the trigger moment and hold it lightly: I don’t know if that is God or not. I will discern this with good guidance. Then pray to our Lord who is BIGGER than this experience.

“Now this is how we shall know that we belong to the truth and reassure our hearts before him in whatever our hearts condemn, for God is greater than our hearts and knows everything.” (1 John 3:19-20)

Lord, You know my heart. You know my struggle. True Jesus, loving Jesus, tender Jesus, come to me right here. You know what I just thought or felt or heard. You know how I’m responding. You know how burdened, scared, and confused I feel. You understand. Thank You for being with me. Please come into my heart, come into this spot. Deliver me into all Truth, all Love. Show me the way. Have mercy on me.

Then we can make acts of trust! I trust Your goodness. You are faithful. You have my best. You are merciful. Your Will is love and mercy itself. I trust You Lord; help me trust You more! St. Therese, pray for me!

I learned from a client recently who was courageously doing the opposite of what her scrupulosity was telling her to do, and so she prayed: “Lord, I don’t know if I’m doing this right, but I hold on more strongly to Your goodness and mercy.” This is an incredible act of faith and fortitude for a scrupulous soul. It is a humble leap of faith. And how the Lord is pleased! How this consoles His Heart! This is liberation for us. This is solid ground and remedy for us. This is a sure anchor. The gentle invitation: trust in His mercy!

“What pleases Him is that He sees me loving my littleness and my poverty, the blind hope that I have in His mercy . . . That is my only treasure . . . why would this treasure not be yours?” (Letter from St. Therese to her Godmother, September 17, 1896)

St. Therese the Little Flower, our dear friend, guide us on the journey of embracing our littleness and trusting in God’s infinite mercy!
Comfort to your beautiful hearts, dear friends.

Love your fellow pilgrim,
Marian

Marian West, Copyright 2026